Im a terribly honest and blunt person and Im using this as my outlet.
My ramblings will probably make no sense to you.
You dont have to try and understand me.
These past days have been unbelievable. I used to know the answer to every question someone could ask me about my life, now im not so sure. Im not sure whats going to happen next week, next month, or even 3 months from now. I usually always have a plan. I no longer feel safe, useful, or even intelligent. I have been racking my brain trying to figure everything out and have come up with nothing. Im lost. I can be in a room full of people that I love and that care about me and feel totally alone.
I hate feeling negatively towards things that bring me joy, or used to. Im so far away and I hate feeling like this.
I dont want to wait. Waiting around for things to happen brings me anxiety and just stresses me out. Like I said I like having a plan for almost everything. When I have to coast throughout my life without one, I just dont know what to do with myself.
I want to be around you now. I want your hand in mine and your arms around me. Something so great has come into my life, but jokes on me. Certain things arent possible at this point in time and it drives me crazy. At times I have been known to be terribly impatient, especially when it comes to something I want. I dont know how to maintain a friendship that has barely started for a long period of time when its not possible to be around them. I know im probably just annoying. I dont want to mess things up and I want to be worth it to somebody. Worth the wait, the distance, the time. I dont expect somebody to put their life on pause for me. Maybe im getting ahead of myself.
Things have gotten out of control. I hope I find peace soon with everything that has been put on my plate.
This shit doesnt make sense.
Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment